What! to do.

I think today, I hope, that I can have most of the day to do…what I…want to do.  And I want to do some writing.  I feel, like I’ve discovered, that this blog can fill a gap in my writing that I have been missing.  A chance to write small segments of stuff…that I like to write that has nothing to do with any stories or other projects that I might want to do, but feels to me, like I need to write it.

As I was thinking about how I might spend today, like usual I go over my list of things…to do…  Is there anything that I absolutely HAVE to do?  That I MUST do?  I don’t feel anything.  Things that have to be done include responding to work related concerns.  So far, no calls this weekend.  Another is to follow through on any kind of promises made, such as we are supposed to go and visit someone or do something, or have visitors, or a project that needs to be done because it will take more time than I have on an evening, or has an immediacy to it…like leaking plumbing, or a car that won’t go until I fix something.  Funerals, weddings, family events, etc.  Those kind of things.   Fortunately, can’t think of any of those either.

Then there’s things I SHOULD do, like mow the lawn, or fix something less urgent than leaking plumbing.  Yeh, the lawn needs mowed, but I can usually put it off, even if its three weeks past due.  Our grass doesn’t grow so fast that I can’t put it off another day or two…or even week or two.  I should also do a little cleaning and reorganizing after our last work project…but that also can wait.

Of course there are always things I OUGHT to do.  I ought to clean up my room and my workspace.  I ought to do some odd jobs that have been waiting around for me to get my motivation up to do them.  They will wait also.

There are things also that…I absolutely DON’T WANT to do.  I don’t want to piddle my day doing unimportant things until I’ve piddled the day away and haven’t gotten to do anything I want to do.

I’ve lost a lot of what I wanted to add into this post because it took me a while to get started from the time I thought about what I wanted to write until I actually got to my blog page.  And then there is the rest of the stuff going on around me that distracts me from what I am trying to do.  Such as my wife bustling around cleaning up stuff…asking me questions as she goes.  Many times, she will even want me to do stuff for her taking me away clearly from my limited time to write on my own.  But even just the bustling around in the same proximity, it distracting and discouraging.  I get to feeling that she would much rather have me up and going and working on something that she thinks I ought to do.

They are kind of in the ought to do column, but mostly there are in the HONEY-DO area.  We all know about honey-dos.  They are of course the things you do for your honey to let her know that you care.  Without asking, or even telling her, I feel like I’ve done my share of honey-dos this weekend.  Did not do any work type honey-do projects, rather just spent Friday evening and all of Saturday doing what she has been wanting to do for a long time.  “Let’s do something fun this weekend.”  Been saying it for months but we have been working on rental house projects that we HAD TO DO.  This weekend, we had no such projects, so we were able to take the time and do something fun.  I hope.  I think she had fun.

Today, I wanted to take some time for ME, to do something I WANTED TO DO.  And I didn’t want to have to ASK her to let me have the time.  I want her to WANT me to have some time…like a whole day…to do anything I WANT TO DO.  As I enjoy being able to take her places and do things for her that she wants to do, sometimes even when I’d rather be doing something else, my pleasure comes from doing something that makes her happier.  I want her to feel the same way and to feel that I deserve the time to do what I want to do.  I love it when she sees my need and tries not to impose on it.

A blog, especially when it is coming so freely, does not take a lot of time comparatively.  Maybe an hour or so as I carry through a line of thought.  And to tell, the truth, this line of thought hasn’t gone as smoothly as I would have liked it to.  Quite a bit of distraction.  The ideal setting is, I get that notion of what I want to write about, and I go sit down and write fro that hour unbothered by any distraction.  no one else around, no calls of nature, no barking dogs going crazy over who knows what, no troubles hooking up to my computer, no problems, concerns, distractions, interruptions or anything to disturb me from my train of thought.

Such times are rare in my life.

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